syazana khairol

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Catching Up with Life

Months have passed since my last post. There were so many things happened in my life, I'm not too sure if I can put all of them into this one post at one time. Ha, where to start? It feels so awkward to write in here all over again, well, not just here but writing in general. I've missed my journal for God-knows-how-long. Also, since I'm no longer a student, I stopped academic/formal writing as well. The only writing I do is social media updates/emails. That doesn't really count as writing, right? Whatever, today I feel like putting up bits of my current life into words so here I am.

I am now an adult. Yes, that boring adult. I finally got myself a job and started paying bills and stuff. Well, the bill part is not so new since I've been paying my own bills when I studied. Hm, technically MARA paid for me, but then I have to repay them now so I guess yeah I've been paying bills since I was 19. However, this time it feels so different. Adulthood hits me so hard I feel there are so many responsibilities and uncertainties in life. Sometimes I feel so anxious about where life is gonna take me, or to be more precise, how am I gonna bring myself forward with life. Ha dang, my English is so rotten so bear with me, especially to those grammar nazis.

Most of my working life is basically me missing my student life. Lol, so ironic because I wanted to finish my studies as soon as possible when I was in university. Now that I got what I wanted - finished my studies & a job - I still feel unsure about it. It's so complex. I guess being an adult is 50 percent complex and 50 percent boring. Anyway, it doesn't mean life is bad. I am so grateful my current workplace is teaching me a lot of things about, well, work, and also, life. My colleagues are so nice and we blend with each other so well that I'm little worried I might grow too fond of them. I also moved into a new apartment but I'm not so sure if I like it here. The traffic can sometimes be hella crazy but what can I expect when I live in the middle of KL? There are so many times I really wish I'd settle down in some place with less to no traffic, hm, like Iowa? Haha ok enough of not-moving-on.

Ah, and and and, quite a number of my friends were getting married these past few months. I got a lot of invitations, but I am sooooo sorry I missed some . Well, time constraints and distance kinda sucks. Here is a couple of photos of weddings that I've been to.

Aned & Ben's wedding

Wani & Emi

Nazu & Dani

..and my housemate back in US, Moon! When will it be my time? Well, we never know *winks*

Other than weddings, my weekends are now filled with Korean class & eating out with friends. (and, obviously, k-dramas & Netflix). So far, life is good but I feel like I can move one step further in life. I am not sure what it is for now, as I myself is still searching and discovering what I really want to do in life. Sometimes, I feel so suffocated for not knowing what I want/need or what is best for me. So, I'm just going to do my best in what I'm doing now & put my trust in Him on what He is going to bring me into. People said life is full of turns & surprises, so yup! Let's just be positive and see how. I know it sounds cheesy & cringy, but wish me the best in juggling life! I wish you the best, too!

Um. One more thing before I sign off for today. I actually saw one video from Jenny Im today and this video hits me hard and I really love every bit of life advice in this video. I hope my younger self can see this video too. Enjoy!

Until next time,
Sunday, July 2, 2017

June is Over? Julying.

It has been one hella great ride of the first half of 2017. Oh, where do I start? So, I started this new hobby, bujo-ing, in short of bullet journaling. It is sort of like a planner, journal, to-do-list, all in one book and you get to design it any way you like. You can also add habit tracker, health tracker and anything like anything you want, yeah obviously because it's yours. One of the reasons why I started bullet journaling is because I don't like the ready-made planner lolz. It's not that I haven't had one, I did have one and planners are surely helpful for a busy (lol) person like me. Disclaimer: I am not really that busy person but I tend to forget things so planner/to-do list does come in handy. A big but here is, the layouts of readymade planners are kind of dull and I don't know I feel restricted with boxes and lines! So I figured out that some other people have been doing bullet journaling since forever and that is one brilliant idea! Plus I get to doodle and draw stuff as well hiks. So I bought my first blank notebook from Amazon that cost around 17 bucks (damn expensive I know but no regrets) and I spent like super crazy for stationaries. I got so excited to do calligraphy (sort of haha) and doodle, so I watched so many videos about bujo on Youtube and browsed Tumblr for starting. I fell in love with the cute stationaries (especially the ones from Japan!) and this is the problem with me. I am a person who is so easily fascinated (or more to hypnotized) by cute things and that made me spent a whole lot of money on pens and colored pencils. I have this kind of faith that buying them is an investment, too! Ha ha. I even bought watercolor and paint for no reasons! I don't even know why? I already had a lot of watercolors but yeah I just love stationaries! and I admit that I had to control my out-of-hand spending habits on stationaries. *trying hard* *pray for me* Ok so that's that and bullet journaling is seriously fun ya know. I feel more productive, creative and, more importantly, more organized. (and that is one of my 2017 resolutions)

My favorite pens

Two: I also started to live the healthy lifestyle. Ok big laugh. I will regret writing this later at some point of my life but whatevs. I started to go to the gym more frequent ha ha ha hahasdfghjkl and I walked to and from campus almost every day yup walking is good and I also start to eat 'healthy' ok not really healthy but healthier than before. I tried quinoa and eat more veggies than I did and yup it feels good. It feels good to sweat, too. That's why I go to the gym. but now that I am back home, it's already more than a month since the last time I worked out. I feel so unproductive, I need to find my way back to exercising and eat healthily. Ya Allah, forgive me for the ketupat rendang lemang satay lontong and every other food that are hard to resist! 

Another highlight of the first half of 2017 is *drum rolls* 
(You might want to skip this paragraph if you find kpop related stuff annoys you)
Three: I went to BTS Wings Tour in Chicago! This is actually my second kpop concert and I don't really go to concerts hu hu (no money and weak at memorizing lyrics so it's hard to sing-along are some of the reasons) I was actually planning to go to Got7's instead because BTS originally did not include Chicago in their US tour but they added it last minute so I had to choose between the two (not a rich kid). I am so glad that I bought a P1 ticket so I got to sit quite close to the stage and I could see my Suga oppa like not that close but close enough for me to maintain my sanity. (Didn't I warn you if you get annoyed with kpop stuff you better skip to next point?). Two hours of seeing them singing and dancing live were definitely not enough, I repeat, not enough. But yeah they are human, who gets tired too so... anyway, I think Suga noticed me cuz I was like waving and throwing hearts soooo hard hahaha (ok every fangirl has this kind of delusions like this so ok bye) oh we were not allowed to bring in cameras and videotaped the concert, so being a respectful fan I obeyed (some of) the rule and didn't bring my camera with me so my photos are not high res and videos? yeah full of screaming.

I don't even know how to feel at that moment and I cried hahha

Lookat dat boi in pink hahahasdfghjkl 
(photo credit goes to Syahirah my photos are crappy)

Four: I took TOPIK test, short for test of proficiency in korean, level two and thankfully Ya Allah I got level four out of six haha. I am shocked myself! I did not even trust myself to score at most level 3 but my seonsaengnim kept saying 'Syazana I think you can get at least level 4' but I was like 'Sorry cikgu I don't think so, my korean vocab has a long way to go..' but yeah maybe berkat doa seorang guru kot I managed to get level 4. If you have no idea of what I'm talking about and are interested to know, here is the explanation. So topik test is one of the important tests you don't want to miss if you are going to apply to university in South Korea. (In my case, I took it because i don't have anything to do in my final semester so just for fun and at the same time I can evaluate(?) my korean language skills as well). The test, in general, has six levels and six is the highest. It has two categories, Topik 1 and Topik 2. If you register for topik 1 you had to score at least level 1 for a pass and if you register for topik 2, the minimum level to pass is level 3. Haha if you find my explanation is not making sense, you can google for a better explanation. What surprised me the most was my writing score. I was not prepared at all, literally, no preparation for writing section and my seonsaengnim told us we can just ignore the writing section since it's still hard for our level to write a prompt essay but I just gave it a try on the exam since I got plenty of time. I just wrote whatever came in my mind and I was not really sure if I understood the essay question well. And guess what? I scored above average (among other topik takers around the world) in writing! Whoops so happy *play Seventeen's Aju Nice*

I love spring 

Five: Of course, my graduation day (link)! Finally, all the hard work paid off and I am now still in the mode of job hunting. I got calls for a few numbers of interviews and I got shortlisted for some. And tomorrow I'm going to Kuala Lumpur for a medical checkup requirement. If everything goes well, insyaAllah I can start working asap!

Six: My favorite camera had to go for a hiatus *sigh* The lens is broken, so does my heart! I was so dumb to let my camera slipped off my hand and fell into the sand. Biggest mistake made. Now I can't shut the lens off *sad to the infinity and beyond* I asked around for a repair but all said it will take some time and of course, money. Maybe I'll send it to camera center (or whatever it is called) next week.

The very last photo I tried to take before my camera went completely off, you can see from the picture that I had shaky hands, feeling sad and broken

That is pretty much the highlights of what happened from January until June. I hope this second half of 2017 will bring me good things and a lot of other adventures to help me to be a better me *lol* (do people still say lol nowadays?)

Happy July.

Until next time,
Friday, June 30, 2017

Yup, I've Graduated

Happy Eid, everyone! How was your eid this year? Mine was simple but meaningful. It was also a sad morning of first eid since this year is the first year I celebrated eid without tokwan. He left us last October and I still could not believe that time has flown so fast. (al-Fatihah). I am also now home for almost a month hu hu and I quite miss the US already. Yep, I graduated from college last May and I don't know, it still feels surreal. Three and half years really feel short and I am already at another stage of life. Hello, adulthood. Please be nice to me.

The photos above were taken weeks before my graduation commencement and trust me there is no single okay-photo on my grad commencement day because ya Allah we've been to the hall (it's not exactly a hall but you get what I mean) from like 9 in the morning until 5 pm for three ceremonies! Belemoih baq hang. Attended Ain, Farhana and Moon's comm. in the morning, went to lunch, and then mine, Anis, and Wardah's started at 1 pm. Stayed until five for Nadzreen's. And the next morning was Laila's. What a weekend! Anyhow, everything went well. It's quite sad because my family could not be there but thanks to my Malaysian family here in Iowa I didn't bad at all. Mana taknya they screamed like super loud every time we, Malaysian graduates, walked in the stage. Thanks guys, yall da best! And...below are the photos on the day itself.. 

I got interviewed (so out of the blue)

Me and my graduating girls, missing Laila :(

With the super supportive mssui xoxox

And here is what I wrote someday when I was still a student, feeling so emotional about leaving (you may skip it's quite embarassing lolz) :

Today is my last day going to classes as an undergrad student. I haven't realized how fast time could fly and how short time is before I leave America for good until today. I am going to miss every single thing I experienced here. I am going to miss all the people I've met. I am going to miss all the lectures I had. I am going to miss all the local restaurants in Downtown Iowa City; Which Wich, Z'Mariks, High Ground. I am going to miss the nights I stayed up for exams and homework (but I didn't stay up that much tho lulz). I am going to miss S Lincoln St. Starbucks, where I went for half-priced coffees during exam weeks. I am going to miss the library, memorial union (IMU), PBB, Pomerantz Center, Philips hall, Van Allen (most of my Korean classes were in Van Allen), UCC Mall, Seoul Grill, Sushi Kitchin, Bubble Pop, and even CVS & Walmart. I am going to miss Iowa City's very unpredictable weather, super cold winters, rainy springs, windy falls. I am going to miss running next-door to Apt. 2 to ask for eggs, bread, chili sauce, ketchup, shawls, tshirts, shoes, etc. I am going to miss catching Free Shuttle at Van Buren stop 7101. I am going to miss the days I requested for Nite Ride and had to wait for almost an hour just to reach home. I am going to miss the days when I have to pray in either between bookshelves, stairs or IMU 2nd floor. (so glad they have praying room now!)
It is really sad to think that I might forget how all of those memories, I might forget my lecturers' names and how they look like, I might forget how thrilling it is to be a student here at Iowa, I might forget how yummy a Krab sandwich at Which Wich tasted like, I might forget how I upset I was when the Starbuck baristas didn't call my name, I might forget how happy I was whenever I was in Korean classes, I might forget how nervous I was when I had to MC events and did presentation in classes. I might forget how stressful I was every time I had to write research papers. I might forget how relieved I was when I got good feedbacks on my papers (trust me all Malaysian students tend to do a great job in writing papers i don't even know why). I might forget how fun it was to talk (or more to gossip/karaoke time) with my housemates until late in the morning. I might forget all of those things and yeah it is surely sad. *cry a river*

My everyday route *sad and cries*

Iowa City, I am going to miss you so very much. You got a very special place in my heart that no other places could ever replace. 

Until we meet again, Iowa. (play Downpour by IOI but male version)

Also, I would like to thanks my parents for supporting me and having faith with me, my family members, my annoying brothers, and sisters, my arwah tokwan, tok, ayoh, mek, my friends who made my days brighter, my housemates who bear with my laziness and annoyingness, my classmates who helped me borrowed their notes and pdfs, my teachers from primary school to high school who taught me from ABC, alif-ba-ta, one-plus-one-is-two, and along the way until I made it to the university. And of course, my lecturers in intec and uiowa who helped me throughout college and all. Seriously sincerely thank you guys thank you thank you thank you.

and last but not least, thanks Starbucks for all those coffees tho

Till next time,

p/s: I might write a post about my short grad-trip to the east coast but yeah... finger crossed
pp/s: I forgot to mention the credit for #2 #3 and the last photos goes to Justina